All the many Shades…

June 22, 2015


Why would a man date a more feminine man?

I have a blog post coming up this week on The Novel Approach about the diversity in m/m romance verses real life and people’s opinion of what it should be. Long story short, people come in all shapes in sizes. Men and women. I can appreciate a pretty woman, a pretty man, a handsome man, or a handsome woman. So the question is: why would a man be attracted to a pretty man, maybe even a man who lived on the border of femininity?

Attraction is an individual thing. I can’t speak to the sexual side of it, but aesthetics are important to everyone, I think. Not so much how good-looking a person is, but whether or not they fit what we personally find appealing. I love two things about men physically: their shoulders and their eyes. For woman I find a curvy woman more appealing, and long hair (which is funny because I keep mine short). Some people love butts, some love boobs, some need muscles everywhere.

However, what we see in men in the media is pretty cookie cutter now, and just as unrealistic as the women who pretend they’re eating a burger at Carl Jr.’s. Great abs, giant arms, and defined pecs are the norm for a man, right? Short answer, no. It might be nice to look at for a while, but that body takes work to maintain. You want him to spend 18 hours a day in the gym, or maybe work to help pay the bills and then spend a little time with you instead? Isn’t that why most everyone picks the average guy? And what is average anyway? Oh, you mean the type of guys we see every day walking around us instead of on TV? Yes, that’s the average guy. So where is he in all this?

Kade is an average guy. He served his country. Got injured, came home to recover. He’s not a hardbody anymore, but he does take care of himself. He’s badly scarred and has a limp. He’s got a major Ollie kink that baffles Ollie. But Ollie has never been one to stew over a question. He asks Kade why:

“Why me? If you want a girl, you could have a girl. If you want a guy, you could have any guy. Most gay guys like guys like Will. All muscle and butch. I am not. I think if you were bi, it would make more sense.”

“I like men and all their variations. I have a difficult time finding comfort and intimacy with someone who is more like Will because he makes me think of my military years. The handful of one-offs that I snuck away to indulge in aren’t bad memories, but they aren’t great either. It was a time of hiding, not only because of the DADT laws, but because that part of the world really despises homosexuals. I heard about one guy my second year in who got caught.” Kade shook his head like the memory was still too painful to recall. “He was one of ours, but what the native people did to him…. And we left him there a few days. Wrote it off as killed in combat, which was bullshit. Hard not to associate fear, pain, and possible death with that sort of man.”

“Donovan’s not the soldier type.”

“He could be. Put him in a uniform and he’d fit in just fine. He’s not my type. The young ‘perfect’ bodies that are splashed everywhere. Is it too much to want a normal guy?”

I snorted again. “If you want normal, I ain’t it.”

“More normal than a lot. At least you’re not pretending to be butch or a super fairy just to fit a role. You are what you are.”

Second contest of the evening, for a chance to win your choice from my backlist: I think that is true attraction. Maybe even love. Just wanting someone for who they are. What do you find yourself looking for in other people? Something in their appearance? Something in their personality?





Model Citizen (DSP)

Hidden Gem (DSP)

Evolution (DSPP)

On the Right Track (Harmony Ink) Sam Kadence

Unicorns and Rainbow Poop (Harmony Ink) Sam Kadence

Inheritance (Lissa Kasey)

Reclamation (Lissa Kasey)

10 Responses to “All the many Shades…”

  1. Trix says:

    Hmm…for me, I think I’m attracted to different things in different guys. I do tend to fall for attractive contradictions (innocent guy with a touch of decadence? decadent-looking guy who radiates sweetness? it’s all good, man!). I’ve never really gone for the super-macho types; they all seem like they doth protest too much. (Yeah, I like hockey guys, but for totally different reasons than most people would expect. The gear is androgynous as hell–it usually includes garters, for God’s sake!–and most of the guys slash themselves with teammates within ten seconds of being interviewed.)

  2. Trix says:

    Ooh, and Iggy Pop, always! That is all. :-)

  3. waxapplelover says:

    It’s trite to say, but definitely personality is the main attraction. I love books where the characters aren’t “perfect,” whether it’s in looks or personality or situation (former inmate, homeless, a bit dim, etc). One of my favorite books, Tell Me It’s Real by TJ Klune, has an overweight MC who has no verbal filter. The other MC is a bit dim, has a horribly unsupportive family, but is beautiful. Neither is perfect, but together it works.

  4. Antonia says:

    Personality is definitely the most important part for me and someone who accepts me for who I am with all my quirks.

  5. Angela says:

    I think the first thing i see are the eyes, you can tell a lot by looking into peoples eyes sometimes they reflect the personality perfectly.

  6. Doris L says:

    It’s in the personality for me, have to make me laugh. To this day (30 years in Sept) my husband can make me laugh.

  7. Su says:

    I am not sure, I sometimes think people come into your life serendipitously as if you were meant to meet in that part of your life and somehow you just connect, no matter your background, looks, status, personality etc.

  8. H.B. says:

    I always find myself befriending people who are as quiet as me or more outgoing.

  9. LissaKasey says:

    Thanks so much for responding guys!

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