Redefining the Romance Hero

June 22, 2015

Demisexual_FlagLabels are everywhere. They always have been. Even back in Ancient Rome, people were labeled by class. So humanity’s obsession with labels now isn’t all that surprising. We keep breaking every little thing down into another label. Like sexuality.

It truly is a spectrum. I wonder how many romance readers actually know what some of these terms mean since most are not represented at all, like demisexuality. A person who is demisexual only feels sexual attraction for someone they care about emotionally. Much like asexuality, this doesn’t mean they can’t have sex or even that they have a low sex drive. It simply means they need an emotional bond for the act of sex to feel “right” in their own mind.

Ollie is demisexual. He’s never been the guy for casual hookups and he doesn’t get why his ex was hopping from bed to bed. So when he learned the man was cheating, he was heartbroken. Then Kade walks into his life. But Ollie knows Kade. He grew up with Kade hanging around his older brother. Kade is not a stranger. He’s a friend at least, and Ollie finds himself attracted to him. Confused and attracted to him.


If this was Ollie’s only issue, it would have ended the story much sooner ’cause they would magically have talked out their feelings and been living happily ever after. Only that’s not how life works. Ollie doesn’t really sexually identify as anything other than gay, though his actual label would be demisexual homoromantic. But he’s young. He’s barely twenty-three, and his years of self-discovery were interrupted by the death of his brother.

Kade, however, is not nearly as young or unaware. He sees Ollie just as he is:

“I was working on this case with you until you saw the need to jump out of bed and run from the fact that you had sex with me.” (Kade)

“I didn’t run.” (Ollie)

“The hell you didn’t. We both know you don’t do casual sex, and that’s what freaks you the fuck out. I can count on one hand the number of guys you’ve taken to bed because you have to trust them first. Obviously I’m not there yet, and you feel like it’s a mistake. That’s something we should talk about. Get in the car, Ollie.”

It was a really long walk home, and I was still wearing sweats that said “princess” on the ass. I sighed and got in the truck, slamming the door extra hard just to prove he hadn’t won.


I think this emotional aspect of romance is more important than the sex itself. Ollie needs to face his emotions even if they hurt or confuse him. Kade is trying to help. He’s honest and forthright—and crazy about Ollie.

I find very little of the actual LGBTQA spectrum represented in current romance, or any romance, really. Someone can be demisexual and heteroromantic, or asexual and biromantic.


For the first chance to win an ebook copy of Model Citizen: What other divisions of the spectrum would you be interested in reading about? What confuses you? Fascinates you? How could I as a writer help broaden understanding of the spectrum for you?






Model Citizen (DSP)


Hidden Gem (DSP)


Evolution (DSPP)


On the Right Track (Harmony Ink) Sam Kadence


Unicorns and Rainbow Poop (Harmony Ink) Sam Kadence


Inheritance (Lissa Kasey)


Reclamation (Lissa Kasey)




9 Responses to “Redefining the Romance Hero”

  1. Mel says:

    I think having an MC who is pansexual. XO

  2. LissaKasey says:

    Mel, that’s a great idea!

  3. Trix says:

    The lead in Eli Easton’s THE TROUBLE WITH TONY is demisexual, too, and I thought it was really compelling. It’s good to see asexuality getting more plotlines, though the various permutations aren’t delved into very often. I’d even be happy seeing a few more stories about het guys who don’t present that way. And of course, bi and pansexual guys are always intriguing to read about…

  4. LissaKasey says:

    Trix – yeah it’s underplayed a lot. Though I think it’s more common than people realize. I have an couple of asexual characters coming up in a novel I’m working on now. One who even ends up in a menage. I know Andrea Speed had a good het character or two who presented as asexual. I hope there will be more to come on the topic.

  5. waxapplelover says:

    I loved The Trouble with Tony, because it really encapsulated well what a demisexual was, and I hadn’t really heard of it before. I also recently read a short story, The Alpha and His Ace, which addressed an asexual partner. I thought it was quite insightful. I love that writers are now including these less known groups into their stories.

  6. Antonia says:

    I think it’s wonderful that we’re seeing more stories about characters who are less well-known parts of the spectrum and I hope that trend continues.

  7. Angela says:

    I’ve never heard of demisexual before this blog, you got me intriguid now so i would love to read more about it. I love it when the characters get emotional involved and the sex isn’t just for the sex.

  8. Su says:

    I am happy that there is more literature/fiction available now to cover the ever expanding acronym alphabet soup for LGBTQA, but it most certainly needs more stories to cover the aspects you mentioned. Do you know that it has exactly has an additional letter now ‘I’ for intersex, so it should be LGBTQIA+

    Honestly I would love more stories to include characters from this alphabet soup, as it’s so diverse and needs better understanding. I think its also a comfort to finally recognise what you might be yourself, especially YA readers an as some of the terminology I am just getting my head around to understand.

    Thank you for a chance to win a copy of your book

  9. H.B. says:

    I want to see more asexual characters in stories. So far I’ve read only one story with an asexual character and it was part of the Love is an Open Road prompt.

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