Friendships in Posy Robert’s Flare

January 13, 2014

Hands Only PDAFriendship is at the heart of the North Star Trilogy and especially Flare. Hugo and Kevin have been friends—great friends—since they were in high school, even if there were years where they didn’t interact. When they meet again as adults in the book Spark, that friendship blossoms as if they were never apart. So does their love affair. But Hugo and Kevin both have very different experiences when it comes to friendships with other people.

Hugo

Hugo Thorson

Hugo makes friends very easily. He’s quite social, even if he does appreciate his alone time as well. He’s lived in his community of Uptown, Minneapolis socializing with many of the same people for years and his best friend is Summer, who is very outgoing. He also knows people around town by name and asks pertinent questions when he sees them. This makes him feel like he’s part of his community, which is important to him.

Kevin

Kevin Magnus

Kevin has a very different experience, in part because of how his father would pick and choose his friends when he was a kid. Kevin wasn’t ever given opportunities to make friends on his own because his dad always stuck his nose in Kevin’s business and dictated who was the most beneficial friend. In college and later in life, Kevin found it was easier to make friends though other people, like his wife, Erin or through the country club or even his job. He never truly trusted his own instincts because of the emotionally abusive things his father ended up doing to him, causing Kevin to doubt many decisions.

Yet, in Flare, Hugo and Kevin need to put down roots and make a stable home for Kevin’s kids, Brooke and Finn. That means nurturing or making new friendships for both men, but they run into the problems in Flare because of their differences.

It’s always been my suspicion that Kevin could more easily be friends with Hugo because he was his lover too. Somehow his dad’s “programming” didn’t get to those parts of his thinking, and he’s more able to let go and open up with Hugo than anyone else. He’s also more able to trust his own instincts with the more intense relationship of a boyfriend or girlfriend.

Friendships are amazing, but of course, we can’t have rich friendships with everyone. What does it take for you to go deeper with a friend? Do you find it scary when you go deeper? I sure do. I emailed a friend a very long note the other day, and five minutes after I hit Send, I wanted the email back. But I’m very glad my friend read it in the end. It made us just a little bit closer, but it was a risk.

I’ve also lost friends I’ve been very close to, and that’s never fun, even if I’m glad I had those people in my life for the short time they were there. I grew from knowing them or from what we endured together. What makes it worth loving and losing for you?

I’m also an ambivert like Hugo, which mostly manifests itself in me being terrified to meet people and leery to share the “real me” with them. What’s the hardest part about meeting new people for you?

12 Responses to “Friendships in Posy Robert’s Flare”

  1. Hmmm, you’ve asked a lot in just a few paragraphs. What’s the hardest part about meeting new people? I’m horribly shy around strangers, so call it stranger danger, call it social anxiety disorder, I’m simply very uncomfortable around new people. I’m very good at hiding behind my shorter, skinnier husband until I warm up. Sometimes I never do.

    Now, about loving and losing friends. I guess I never lose them. With friends–true friends–I never really lose them. We might move away, we might not communicate, but when we get back together, we’ll spend a few minutes catching up but then it’s right back to where we were, at least for me. I’ll remember everything about you when last we were together. That’s one reason I don’t look back and don’t say goodbye. For me, it’s not the end and we’ll pick right back up.

  2. Posy Roberts says:

    Christopher ~ I’m awfully shy at first too, but because of my job and constantly needing to meet new people and make them feel comfortable in my classroom, I have learned coping mechanisms. I still hate that panic I feel right away though.

    I envy your memory. Mine is horrid, and I’m bound to tell you the same story more than twice. Haha. Of course, just tell me that and I’ll shut up and move on. :)

  3. Jbst says:

    Wow, deep questions. Hmmm. In life, I think you do meet a lot of people especially with our mobile, urban society in the U.S.. Some of those people that were good friends, that are no longer in your life, are a lesson that you can learn something, positive or negative.

  4. Posy Roberts says:

    Jbst ~ Haha. The deep questions go along with my profession. I can’t turn them off. ;) I love that we can more easily keep in contact with people today, but I often wonder if our modern contact is less appreciated than a hand written letter or a phone call where you had to watch the clock because each minute cost you $0.25. Yet, because of technology, I’ve now been given the opportunity to meet people who have similar interests, which has been great.

  5. Andrea M says:

    I cut myself off from friends when I move from a place. It’s almost like new city, new life. I hate that about myself.

  6. Trix says:

    I do get anxious around new people, and I do have a tendency to want to wash my hands of people who I feel have hurt me or done me wrong. (A good memory can be a curse sometimes that way!) On the other hand, I do tend to have close friendships that last, even if distance and time are factors.

  7. Kathie says:

    The hardest.part of meeting new people is I can be a little over bearing , I ask a lot of questions and I think sometimes they feel over whelmed. I am a very intense person. I have such an admiration for authors, I think it would be so hard to put yourself out there . I would crumble if I got a bad review. How do you handle that?

  8. Posy Roberts says:

    Andrea ~ I’ve certainly done that, so I can empathize. I was ready to be done with the town where I went to grad school. Sadly, I wasn’t ready to be done with the people, but by the time I stopped to see that, we had lost contact. Years later, it’s as if we have nothing in common anymore. ~Posy

  9. Posy Roberts says:

    Trix ~ I hear you! I may as well wash my hands of people because I take a long break from them. Most people take that as a permanent break. I also have friends who I feel like I’ll be close with no matter what happens to us.

  10. Posy Roberts says:

    Kathie ~ I was told by a high school classmate that I was intense once, and she was commenting not only on my questions but also on my eye contact, which I guess is really steady. Haha. I ended up turning all my intense attention into a career, so in the end it worked, at least professionally. Putting your writing out there: yes, it can be very hard at times. As for bad reviews, I try not to look. Of course, I end up looking, even if it’s through my fingers. LOL Now I try to make sure I’m wearing my strongest armor if I look, and I have a group of friends I can go to if it gets to be too much. Another thing I take into consideration is that most reviews are truly opinions. That includes the reviews that are great too… sadly. ~Posy Roberts

  11. Juliana says:

    I would actually say that I do not have any friends in my real life. Which is something people I work with (at a church so we aren’t friends!) think I say in jest. I had friends in high school I thought were the forever kind but by senior year realized only one of them was, but she got a boyfriend 1 month into college and that ended that. The hardest part of meeting people for me is that I really dislike social situations, so I don’t go to them, I don’t have friends to invite me to them anyway so if I went to one it would be my mom’s friends (she’s my only bud) and they are all evangelical conservatives… Until I find a full time job I work at a church, with people that actually say “ew” about gay people…

  12. Posy Roberts says:

    Juliana ~ That has to be tough. I know in my work with parents of young children, I find quite conservative people that I interact with, but probably nothing compared to what you’re finding at your job. I have no idea about your city situation, but can you go to book stores, coffee houses, art shows, concerts, even library readings so you have the potential to meet new people?

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