There’s Something About Chinese Food by Felicitas Ivey

January 31, 2015

Title: There’s Something About Chinese Food

Author: Felicitas Ivey

Pairing: Ryan and Wil from There’s Something About Spot

Prompt: chopsticks

Ryan wandered out of his workshop and into the yard after a morning of woodworking. He casually stripped out of the clothes he was wearing, shaking all the wood chips and dust out of them. He didn’t want to bring it all into the house, it would be too much of a pain to deal with.

Wil looked over at him, from the garden he was weeding and smiled. “Is that a hint?” he called out.

“I’m not getting all this in the house,” Ryan said. He smiled. “But I wouldn’t say no—”

He didn’t get a chance to finish his sentence. Wil pounced on him.


Ryan was drowsing in bed afterwards. He was surprised they had made it to the bed, but once Wil started kissing him, things had blurred a bit. “I should make us something to eat.”

He didn’t know what time it was, but he felt a little bit hungry and knew he needed to eat something soon.

“Let’s go out,” Wil replied. “There’s a new place in town.”

Ryan looked at him. Town was at least as forty-five minute drive and they would have to take a shower. He was comfortable and not that ambitious. And Wil rarely wanted to go out, content to be at home where he didn’t have people pulling at him all the time to solve their problems. “And you want to check it out?” he asked.

Wil sighed. “Miss Serenity asked me to talk to the owners.”

Ryan echoed his sigh. Wil’s position in the community was as the priest for the local, odd to some pagan practices. They worshiped Tsthug’wa, an ancient and corrupted deity, whom they all hoped would stay sleeping and unaware of them, so it wouldn’t eat them and worse. To placate the god to keep him sleeping, Wil performed a ceremony every Midsummer, erotic and exhausting, with Ryan as a willing participant as he had been since the beginning when he stumbled into the village years ago.

“So not so much a date, as checking the place out,” Ryan teased him. “And what is she expecting?”

Wil shrugged. “I don’t know.” He hesitated. “It can be something as simple as she doesn’t like them to something a little more… serious. And it isn’t anything she felt she could deal with on her own, either.”

Which meant Wil would have to fix whatever the issue was. And it might kill him to do so, if Miss Serenity didn’t know how to deal with it. Ryan ignored the tightening in his gut and mustered a smile. “I bet it’s nothing more than bad Mushu Pork,” he said. “We get showered, head to town and take Spot with us. If the food’s crap, you know he’ll eat it.”

And Spot would kill anyone or thing which would threaten either of them.

Wil nodded, a grateful look in his eyes for Ryan putting a brave face on it.

“I love this plan!” Ryan said, the false cheer thick in his voice.

He made a mental note to eat a snack now, because he wasn’t sure he was going to get any food later.


They got to town a couple of hours later, Spot hanging his head out the window from his place at Wil’s feet. His tentacles were blowing in the breeze, as his body wiggled with excitement over being in the car. He was about seventy pounds now, long and thin, moving like an inchworm to get around. Spot was fast, a deadly inchworm with razor teeth underneath his flailing tentacles and the killer instinct of a Dark Spawn, for all his adorable awkwardness.

Ryan pulled into a parking spot down the street from the restaurant. The town of Hidden Valley was small, a couple of short streets and a collection of odd shops. The valley was mostly farms and cut off from the rest of the world. No cell reception, no Internet; it was a quiet place you found by accident, because even government spy satellites didn’t seem to know it existed. Once you found it, all you saw was a quaint New England town, trapped in some sort of time warp.

The new restaurant seemed to have popped up overnight, in a space at the edge of town. That alone put Ryan on edge. It didn’t fit in with the rest of the town’s buildings – a collection of wood and brick buildings, staid and respectable. This place was a garish yellow and red, in the style Ryan mentally dubbed ‘Tacky Chinese”, with odd colored bloated dragons and a pagoda styled roof. The sign in front was flashing neon, proclaiming the place to be  ‘Black Lotus’.

“Tacky,” Ryan said after staring at the place.

“Dangerous,” Wil told him. “They aren’t being subtle.”

“The sign can be seen in the North Pole,” Ryan commented dryly. “These people have never heard of the word.”

Ryan opened the storage box between the two seats, pulling out a blue vest, sized for Spot. In white lettering on each side, ‘Service Animal’ was printed.

“Spot is going in with us because I need him to watch out for me,” Ryan explained as he strapped it on to Spot.

“I see,” Wil said, obviously not understanding.

“It’s a cheat and I am being an ass taking advantage of such things when Spot isn’t a service animal, but you can’t kick one out of a restaurant.” Ryan finished putting the vest on Spot. “I bought it on a whim and kept it in the car. I just remembered it now.”

“Spot likes it,” Wil said, leaning over to kiss him.


They walked into the restaurant with a surprisingly well-behaved Spot at Ryan’s side. Ryan shivered when he walked through the airlock to the second door, feeling a little odd for a second. Wil slipped his hand out of Ryan’s, a frown on his face as Ryan looked around the lobby.

The restaurant was empty, even if it was dinnertime. Ryan didn’t remember seeing any other cars parked at the place, but he thought they might have been on the other side of the building. He tightened his grip on Spot’s leash; unnerved the place was empty, and wondering what was wrong. But the place wasn’t as tackily decorated on the inside as the outside led him to be believe it would be.

The room was dimly lit, trying for a romantic atmosphere, for some reason. There was a huge fire pit in the middle and Ryan hoped it wasn’t used for cooking, even though there seemed to be something smoking on it. The air was scented a mixture of subtle spices and something sweet, which stuck to the back of this throat. And Ryan noticed there weren’t any windows in the place, which sent a chill down his back, because he would have sworn there had been a couple of them in the front and on the sides.

The host or a waiter hurried up to them, bowing and nodding. Ryan was struck at how short he was. Miss Serenity, as bowed as she was by age, would be taller than the man. He looked around, catching a glimpse of another couple of men, and he thought they were even shorter than the man in front of him.

The man caught a glimpse of Spot and shook his head, even as he looked at Wil. “And how may we help you?”

The man’s accent was heavy and Ryan thought it could be Chinese, but it didn’t sound like any Chinese accent he had heard in the movies or on the streets of Chinatown in New York; but China was big place and these guys might be from the back end of nowhere Hicksville to sound like that. But he could understand him, which was the important thing to him.

Ryan thought that was an odd thing to say, but Wil answered coolly, “A table for two.”

“Of course.” The waiter paused and added, “I assure you, sir, the menu will be to your liking.”

“I will address the chef if it isn’t,” Wil told him.

The man bowed again and led them to a table in the back corner of the room. Ryan wasn’t surprised to see it showed them the entire room. The host dropped off two menus, stating, “Fei Long will be your waiter.”

“And you are?” Wil asked.

The man hesitated for a split second, “Sheng She, honored one.”

He walked away and Ryan picked up his menu, “So I guess he knows who you are.”

The table was set for two, plates with red and blue pagodas, dragons and weird looking flowers painted on them. There were both silverware and metal chopsticks provided, with some sort of black flower floating in a crystal bowl as the centerpiece of the table. It was elegant, with white linen tablecloths and nothing that he had been expecting from the outside of the place.

“What I am,” Wil said inexplicably with a smile, before picking up his own menu. “I’ve never had Chinese before.”

Ryan looked at the menu. “I don’t even think this is in Chinese. And it isn’t in English, because I can’t read it. So I don’t know what this place is.”

The lettering could be Chinese, but it looked off. Too many or too few lines in the characters and they were wavy instead of straight. Ryan’s head jerked up when he heard Sheng She talking loudly with another man. It could be an argument or they could be talking about sports for all he knew, but the tone of voice for both men sounded off.

“That isn’t Chinese,” he informed Wil.

“I didn’t expect it to be,” Wil told him. “I’m sorry, I should explain these things to you better.”

“Eh?” Ryan shrugged. Wil was being Wil and dealing with the crap he had to deal with being a priest wasn’t something he wanted to do. “And just let me say, I don’t know if I want to eat here.”

‘That may be wise,” Wil said, putting his menu down. “I don’t think I’d want Spot eating here.”

“Honored one, this is a vegetation… vegetarian  restaurant. I am Fei Long and I will serve you tonight.”

Fei Ling was tiny, about the size of a six year old, but very round. Ryan thought he looked like a dumpling of a man. Ryan swore he hadn’t seen the man walk up; he just seemed to appear out of thin air.

“Vegetarian?” Wil smiled coolly at him.

“There is no Long Pork on the menu,” Fei Long told him with a laugh. It wasn’t a jolly laugh, but the sly, mocking one of a bully.

Ryan had no idea what he was talking about, but whatever Long Pork was, the mention of it infuriated Wil.

“Shall Spot explore your kitchen to tell me the truth of your words?” Wil asked glacially.

Fei Long looked confused, until Spot poked his head out from underneath the table. He sniffed at Fei Long for a couple of seconds, before settling back underneath the table with a small growl in the back of his throat.

Fei Long froze, petrified, before he hissed, “You wouldn’t—! This isn’t—!”

“Spot’s a service animal,” Ryan said over his sputtering protests. “You can’t kick him out of the place.”

“He is human!” Fei Long shrieked, before switching back to his own language.

“As am I!” Wil snarled.

Spot poked his head out again, curious and nervous about all the shouting.

“You’re upsetting Spot,” Ryan said calmly, petting the Dark Spawn. “Seriously, why does everyone freak out when they see him?”

Fei Long stared at Ryan for a second, before turning to Wil. “The Human—”

“My consort.” Wil said flatly.

“—can control a Spawn?” he finished.

“Just Spot,” Ryan told him, as the being in question wiggled under his attention. The rest of the pack was a little standoffish with him. “And pork is fine, I’m not Jewish or Arabic, but you did mention this was a vegetarian restaurant, so I don’t know what the fuss is.”

“Long Pork isn’t a type of swine,” Wil said gently. “It is a phrase used to describe human flesh when it is eaten.”

Ryan swallowed hard. “That’s kind of gross.” He paused. “I think I read someplace it wasn’t a good idea because stuff getting stuck in your brain from eating people, aside from it being not a socially acceptable idea to eat the neighbors.”

Ryan flushed when the other two looked at him like he was crazy. “I’ll shut up now,” he mumbled.

“Your consort is a prize,” Fei Long said. His tone seemed to think Ryan was the booby prize.

“I don’t think the “Black Lotus” would be a good fit in our little town,” Wil said, as he stood up. “Leave it.”

The command was spoken in an eerie voice, one Ryan usually only heard during rituals. Ryan rose to follow him out of the restaurant. He really didn’t want to eat here, the smell of the place making him queasy now.

That tone brought Sheng She out from wherever he had been hiding. “You cannot tell us what to do! We are Tcho-Tcho, Priest, and not under your sway!” he thundered.

“My land is under the protection of Tsthug’wa,” Wil told him coldly. “And as his priest, I banish you from it.”

Ryan didn’t know what was going on, but he grabbed the chopsticks as a weapon. The knife wasn’t a better choice because there was no edge on it. Both it and the fork looked fragile and off to him now. He could poke these two with them if he had to, even as he kept a tight hold on Spot’s leash. The Spawn was pressed against his legs, poised to jump at either Tcho-Tcho, whatever they were.

“My god,” Sheng She started, pulling himself up to his full height.

Wil said something in an odd language, the words slippery and hurtful. It was like nothing Ryan had ever heard before and he swallowed hard, dizzy all of a sudden.

The Tcho-Tcho all winced and stepped back, a snarl appearing on Sheng She’s face, before he started spitting out odd sounds. Ryan couldn’t call them words. They were sharp sounds of hate, which caused Wil to bare his teeth in a grimace, even as his continued to speak. Wil stood his ground, adding strange finger waggling gestures to the words he was saying and Ryan just stood frozen, Spot wrapping himself around him for protection.

“You are not where you think you are, priest,” Sheng She snarled at Wil.

Wil smiled at him, “I know exactly where I am. Do you?”

Ryan shivered when he said that, wondering if they were still in Hidden Valley. But the question stopped Sheng She for a moment and Ryan saw the shocked look on his face. “You dared!”

Wil laughed. It wasn’t a happy laugh. “My god is one of this earth, this plane of existence, while Ch’augn’ar F!aung is of the outer veil. We are not in his place of power, as you think you are, since I placed this dwelling on the blasted planes. You forget there are those who are much greater then even our gods.”

“And what does that mean?” Sheng She asked. “You speak in riddles. Are you trying to buy time before we feast upon you and your pet?”

Wil smiled wolfishly at them. Ryan thought it was both incredibly disturbing and incredibly hot at the same time. He was frightened at how turned on he was. He was being threatened by being eaten by these freaks and all he could think of was Wil eating him in another manner, his hot mouth around his cock, sucking him dry.

“He is my consort,” Wil hissed, emphasizing the title. “Prized beyond belief by me and mine.”

“He will be a tasty morsel we will eat in front of you,” Fei Long threatened.

The building shook and Wil grinned. “Ask the Dancer of Madness about the feast he is interested in.”

The Tcho-Tchos looked at him in horror, while Spot unwrapped himself from around Ryan’s legs and started to lead him to the door. Ryan went with him, too shocked to fight him.

Wil waited until he was past him to smile and bow to the others, “Enjoy your discussion with Az’thoth.”

Ryan didn’t know the name, but from the way the blood drained from the others’ faces and the frantic, desperate chant Sheng She started, this god wasn’t either reasonable or nice. He just hoped he didn’t meet it… him… whatever.

Spot had him out the door, with Wil close behind him. As they passed through the airlock, Ryan caught a glimpse of a twisted and blasted landscape, the sky the color of acid. He shivered, but when they walked out of the door, they were back in the town of Hidden Valley.

“We’re not going to have to worry about them again,” Wil said with a smile. “But I’m sorry we didn’t get anything to eat.”

“At least we got a pair of chopsticks out of it,” Ryan said trying to make light of what just happened, realizing he still held them. He started shivering, his mind trying desperately to forget the split second of whatever he had just seen.

“But not dinner,” Wil replied, “And I know you miss Chinese food sometimes.”

“If we had eaten there, we’d been hungry an hour later,” Ryan said. “So why don’t I drive home and cook supper?”

“But first something else,” Wil said leaning over and kissing him.

Ryan moaned, kissing him back fiercely, pressing his whole body against Wil, feeling their cocks rub together. Wil was as hard and as turned on as he was. He dropped the chopsticks he was holding to wrap his arms the other man.

Ryan’s moans degenerated into whimpers when Wil undid his pants, pushing them down to his knees, kneading his ass for a minute as he kissed him. Ryan didn’t care they were in town and Spot had wandered off someplace to get into mischief, since he dropped his leash. He shuddered when Wil slipped a finger into his ass, wiggling it around a little until he found that special spot inside him.

Ryan was still loose from earlier in the day, so there was a little discomfort which he forgot about when Wil started finger fucking him, rubbing against his prostrate, causing little bolts of lighting to fire off in his brain, reducing it to jelly.

“I love you like this,” Wil crooned. “You’re so beautiful, so responsive to my touch.”

Ryan just rubbed against Wil, his cock wanting the friction of the other man’s jeans as he got closer and closer to his orgasm. This was what he wanted, what he needed as he chased after the pleasure Wil was giving him. He didn’t know how long it was before he hid his face in Wil’s neck, muffling the scream of joy that tore out of him when he came, spraying the two of them. Wil held him as the aftershocks shuddered through him, whispering in his ear in a language he didn’t understand.

“We’re going to get arrested,” Ryan said sleepily.

He was worn out from all the adrenaline that had coursed through his system by almost getting killed and by what Wil just did with him.

“No one’s going to see us,” Wil promised him.

Wil then opened the door to the Jeep and maneuvered Ryan into the passenger’s seat. Ryan sat down, not caring that his jeans were down around his ankles and his shirt really didn’t cover the fact he wasn’t wearing any underwear.

“But I’ll wait until we’re further out of town to have my pleasure with you,” Wil promised him.

Ryan stretched and wiggled in his seat, looking forward to that. It was insane to want Wil again, but he just had walked away from something horrifying and he wanted to celebrate that too. What just had happened hadn’t even whetted his appetite. Making love in the moonlight for several hours would be a fine celebration for the both of them.

Did you enjoy Felicitas Ivey’s story? If so, check out the rest of her books and take 25% off at checkout with the code FelicitasIveyFlash. Coupon code is good for one order per customer through February 28, 2015.

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